I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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