Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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