He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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