Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
