Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Randomize
