I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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