Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
