Is it because I queefed?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
