You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
