We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
