What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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