so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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