please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
