mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
