I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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