in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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