i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
