Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
