barbara walters just said penis...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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