I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
