dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
