I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
