Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
