why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
