Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
