i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
