This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
