u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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