Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
