things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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