He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
