i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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