i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she peed on how many people?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
