The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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