Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
