Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just pynch a tree in the face
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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