she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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