My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
