Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
