I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
