no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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