i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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