who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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