An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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