FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize