Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
