Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
