fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
