So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
