All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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