I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
