I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
