I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
