Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
