Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
