I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
