Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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