OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
