He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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