the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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