next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
