Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
