Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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