I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
