onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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