Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
