My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
