Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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