I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
