yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
