I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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