"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think my moral compass just broke
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