He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
