please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
