Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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