Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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