I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
