I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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