i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
