Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
