I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
