Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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