There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
