I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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