toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
