im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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