Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
