and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
