I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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