i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
