Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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