im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
