LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
